Midgame

Yo check it. Done some cognizating recently about pickup, seduction and beyond. The thing I’ve found funny is that most pickup companies, in-field videos and material focus on the approach. We call this the initial game: the approach through getting the number. As you will see, initial game comprises a very small part of the overall interaction, but that’s the place most students end up dwelling.

The problem is that while this early phase is tough for the majority of guys, the real heavy work is usually gonna be done in midgame, all that shit required to get a girl out and eventually sans panties. Endgame - getting it on - is the easiest of the three phases, although even this stage can be fraught with hardships and heartaches.

So what the PU companies and books should be primarily dissecting is midgame. Stuff like texting and calling, how to set up the date in your favor logistically, how to escalate so she’s horny. Yet how many in-field videos follow the PUA on his day 2? I haven’t seen one. How many PU coaches spend their bootcamps analyzing your text exchanges? Absurd. Despite this, midgame is the meat and potatoes of most sets (SNLs excluded).

This is how I would categorize the stages of a relationship arc, in order:

1. Initial game. This is a toughy, but not as difficult as midgame. In initial game, you must overcome your AA, learn how to hook, vibe, build attraction. Comfort is optional. The end point is obtaining some form of contact information, whether that be a phone number or Facebook info.
2. Midgame. This is the hardest aspect on your journey to sex, in which you first convince a girl to meet up and then upon rendezvous, begin the in-person process of seduction. Mystery said “the game is played in comfort.” In truth, the game is played in midgame, whether you choose to make that attraction, comfort or seduction. More realistically it will be a calibrated combination of all three.
3. Endgame. You’ve got her hot and wet, and now you must overcome the final shit tests, LMR and logistical hurdles to achieve intercourse.
4. Repeat offender. Hooking up once is fun, but maybe you want to see the girl again. In this stage, you’ve managed to see the girl repeatedly for sex.
5. Conversion to LTR. After about 5 or so sexual encounters, you have achieved an LTR. You may call her a girlfriend or fuck buddy depending on your preferences. Romance is optional.

It is helpful to break down the relationship arc into these stages because then you can understand where your deficiencies lie. Here are some reasons why you fail to progress to the next stage:

1. Initial game. You have too much AA. You are unable to vibe without being in your head. You fail to get attraction. You choose girls or venues which are unlikely to result in dates (you know, like stupidly drunk crack whores at a rave).
2. Midgame. Your text game is sub par. You don’t consider logistical issues in advance to prevent obstacles. You fail to escalate.
3. Endgame. You haven’t turned her on sexually. You haven’t gained her trust. You fail to plow past token objections. You have no place to fuck. You aren’t carrying a rubber.
4. Repeat offender. The initial sex was poor. You came across like an uncaring player. Your follow-up text game was weak. You look like a troll naked.
5. Conversion to LTR. Sex continues to be poor. It is too logistically difficult to sustain. She has other better sexual options. You are telegraphing an agenda or seem needy/desperate. You post a LR and she finds it.

Let us now examine midgame in greater detail, and specifically what things I think make up a “solid” number. I’m only gonna talk about text game, since that’s all I run leading up to the meet. Let’s say you get a number and send out an initial text. These are the levels of investment a girl may demonstrate through text game, in increasing order:

Level 1. No response. Not only was your day 1 interaction piss poor, but your text game sucks. Or possibly she failed to mention a boyfriend or husband. The number is wood.
Level 2. She responds to your texts, but the responses are brief, without much thought, and after lengthy delay. She ignores many of your texts. You get a lot of one-word answers like “Cool”, “Awesome” and “No.”
Level 3. She begins responding consistently, and after little delay. Her responses reflect she is putting some thought into them and enjoys your texts. When you suggest a meet-up however you may find she goes dead air, or at best gives a token ok that she will eventually reverse.
Level 4. She has become emotionally invested, albeit superficially. She is sharing various personal aspects of her life. She qualifies herself. She appears to be emotionally affected by certain comments you make. At this point, she may be willing to see you, but there is still a high chance of flaking. In fact, she could seem genuinely excited to agree to a meet, but don’t be surprised when she goes dead air or cancels at the last minute when that time arrives.
Level 5. She is more deeply invested. She suggests the meet up, often giving suggestions. In this stage, flaking is much less likely.

I will invite girls out when they are in level 3 or 4, but this many times results in a flake. Still, after a flake I like to call her out to demonstrate that this behavior is inappropriate and bizarre in my world. I also take this to mean I need to move to level 5 before asking her out again. This can take about a week, sometimes two, of solid text game, a few days a week. A flake almost always happens at some point in each set, so I’ve come to believe these often represent shit tests. How you handle it can help build or destroy attraction. So I welcome the flake, like I welcome most shit tests, as a sign of attraction.

If you can’t convert numbers to dates, then you have no way of improving your day 2 skills. YOU MUST GET A LOT OF DAY 2s TO GET GOOD AT MIDGAME. I mean, one day 2 a week is ideal. Rack up 20 day 2s a year and that’s a pretty decent sample size to be strengthening your midgame. If you’re like me, the bottleneck here is your text game. Once I got a handle on text game, I had little problem converting numbers to dates.

Here are a few ways I move into the higher levels of investment, via text:

She willingly qualifies herself. Whatever ways you do this in person, you can try during text exchange. Common statements of mine are, “So you’re hot and smart…what’s the catch? There must be a catch...”
She permits sexual innuendo. Often, this leads to dead air because of ASD. But even after sex talk backfires, you may find the interaction is even more solid. It’s as if she takes the time to mull over your suggestions of sex, and she makes peace with them, resulting in curiosity.
You demonstrate power and dominance. You dismiss her like a bothersome little sister. Disqualification is potent stuff.
You make your intent clear, by calling her cute or sexy. A statement I may drop even if unprovoked is, “Stop being so cute! There’s only so much I can take woman”

Ok, so you ran tight-ass text game. You got her out. Now what do you do?

I recently posted “Relationships and nasty shit” in which I explain that women are sizing you up sexually from the get-go. Women really really really like sex. In my opinion, sex is pretty much what’s gonna get you conversion to LTR status. Naturally, then, if your day 2 isn’t exhibiting your ability to bring it sexually, you are moving backwards into the friend zone and eventual oblivion.

You don’t necessarily need to pull your willy out on the date and start slapping her ass with it. But you do need to hit a few items on your checklist:

1. Show dominance. Manhandle her, grab her cell, have rapport-breaking tonality, lift her up and carry her. There are a ton of ways to do this, and collectively they’ll get her juices flowing.
2. Try to make out with her. She may not be receptive at first, but if you don’t at least try, chances are good she’ll write you off. To get a make-out, I make sure I’m in a venue that will facilitate this (dark, kinda loud, and full of people and booze). Anything else is an uphill battle. Specifically what I’ve been doing lately is buy a round of drinks and then when it comes time for the second round, I tell her, “I’ll get you another drink but I have a rule. You have to kiss me first. Sorry, it’s the rule.” If she says no, the date is essentially over. Why are you wasting time with a girl who won’t at least kiss you? This is assuming you’ve gotten a bit cozy with her first, preferably with some manual escalation and certainly with proximity. The make-out is pretty much your turning point; once you get it, that weird first-date awkwardness usually will disappear.
3. Sexualize. Not just bring up all things sexual (which you should’ve already been doing through your text game), but set the sexual frame. Meaning, reward her for being impulsive, affectionate, open-minded and so on. I believe this is called sexual framing, but I’ve always called it sexualization.
4. Keep her BT up. It’s possible to make out with a girl running cold, dry comfort, but I’d save that shit for after the make-out. Leading up to it, keep the vibe fun and exciting. Plenty of humor, teasing, banter.

Sex may happen on the first date, or it may not. It’s up to you if you want to pursue that girl if she isn’t putting out on the second or third date. My belief is that if all lights are green and she just needs more time, I give her the benefit of the doubt and keep things smoldering. It’s a balancing act between pushing and leading: if you push her too hard it may backfire as you’ll appear needy; if you lead she may not follow. So find that balance each girl requires, and guide things towards the endgame.

Relationships and nasty shit

I've been reading an excellent book on sex currently called Sex God Method by Dan Rose. There's just not enough material on sex in the PU literature for some reason, and this one covers everything from when to change sexual positions to how to create mLTRs.

I posted something on paradigms a week ago. Before I got into the community, my paradigm was that most girls want exclusivity, and that what draws them into this revolves around what a great guy you are. You know the shit: he treats her like a gentleman, his family likes her, he takes her on fun vacations, he spends a ton of cash on her.

Since being in the community, I've shifted into a new paradigm. Girls mostly DON'T want exclusivity right off the bat. Maybe a few months in, but for the most part, nearly all girls have been very clear that they aren't looking for anything heavy or too involved. Many are in fact receptive to and encouraging of polygamy. The less you rely on a girl emotionally, the less obligation to you she feels, at least early on. That was the first thing to surprise me.

Second, it isn't your credit card or your magic tricks or your job which are usually gonna get a girl interested in a LTR with you, nor sustain it once you get it. It boils down to one main ingredient:

Being really good at fucking.

You can be the best boyfriend on every other level, but if you suck in bed, she’ll be miserable. Sometimes you can skate by in a dysfunctional relationship if she’s getting enough emotional nourishment from drama and whatnot. But in a healthy LTR, you want the sex to be really good for her. Sex will be the most reliable and potent currency you’ll possess to obtain and maintain LTRs.

Rose talks about 4 pillars: dominance, emotion, variety and immersion. To this I’d add that when I’m talking sexual to a girl or having sex, she gets that most of what I’m doing is trying to give her the best sex she’s had. So having a value-giving mindset is the foundation to all of this. Being in it solely for your ego or for self-gratification will typically result in shitty sex in the long run.

Let me break it down.

Dominance may not come naturally to some (it didn’t for me at first), but it’s essential. David Deida doesn’t say 100% of women want to be dominated, but the number is high enough that you should assume every girl you interact with wants to be with a dominant man. Evolution has selected this desire. How to be dominant is something you can try to fake until it’s internalized, and may include grabbing her and her possessions, giving her commands, and using sexually charged language.

Women are emotional beings. Understanding how a woman’s mind works is key to seducing her. If you want girls to have great sex, being a good technician in bed is far less important than arousing her emotions. But beyond that, if you want women to fall in love with you, you need to embrace and express your own emotions. If you stifle them, the sex will suffer.

Variety means switching things up. Be dominant one moment, tender another, change sexual positions, go down on her in the middle of sex, pull out unexpectedly, etc. Doing the same routine every night leads to a bad sex life.

Immersion involves being totally present with a woman. Shut out negative self-talk, stop planning out what to do next, don’t fantasize about other things, don’t think about things you need to do tomorrow. Women can sense when you are not completely there in bed with them, and they lose arousal. Conversely, when you’re totally immersed in the experience, she will be too, and the sex will be at its best.

So here’s the problem. If you suck in bed, you’ll try to make up for it in other ways. You’ll be the guy who buys her shit, or always supplicates to her, or goes out of his way for even a drop of affection. This behavior makes her question your abilities. If you make a girl work for sex, she will realize you’re worth the effort because you’ve got skills; the Latina MILF I see now drives sometimes 2 hours to see me - once or twice a week - because I take care of her needs.

Getting to that point is partly inner game and partly your abilities. Inner game issues include you think yourself unworthy of fucking hot girls. Or maybe you’re worried about dick size, or your physique, or whatever. Even without saying anything, your feelings of inferiority and intimidation will turn her off. And before you know it, you’re chasing her for sex and not vice versa.

If it’s your abilities that are deficient, then work on this aspect. I personally had crappy knowledge of female anatomy and orgasm. Most guys muddle their way through relationships without getting honest feedback from their women, and then fill in the gaps by watching porn.

Even being in my late 30s and having what I thought was a solid education on the subject, I realized I knew very little. Therefore, I sought out reliable sources on how to please women, and I made myself into a sex machine. By acquiring an understanding, I improved my competence at sex, and hence my confidence went through the roof. So go out and read up on anything and everything you can. Basic techniques, how to talk dirty, different kinds of female orgasms, fetishes, all that. Demonstrate to women (without bragging, of course), that you not only know your shit and can prove it, but that you’re open-minded and non-judgmental.

It’s important to set the seductive frame early when you meet a girl: you’re there to fuck her, not to make nice or to entertain her. Along these lines, tailor your day 2 to give her this information as quickly and powerfully as you can. Whenever I have a dinner date or take a chick to a movie as a day 2, she almost always loses interest and there’s never a day 3. Instead, if I take her to a bar and try to fuck her that night, even if unsuccessful, there will always be interest in another date. Don’t push her if she’s not ready, but let her feel that you are there for sex, and you’re ready and willing to deliver when the time is right.