Be a Champ: Living with Intention

You see a cutie at a bookstore and devise a plan to get wit her. Sounds good brother! Problem is, shit crops up, and it tries to derail you every fucking step of the way…

Step One: Approach her

You step to her, but at that very moment, her cell goes off. You abort and reach for a book to save face.

Step Two: Game her

She hangs up and you do finally open her and spit some game. She’s digging you, but the bookstore is closing. You’re forced to leave before the moment feels right to get her number.

Step Three: Get her digits

The two of you keep talking outside. Things are going swell, so you give her your phone and tell her to punch in her number. “Awww…I have a boyfriend,” she apologizes. But you keep chatting her up and finally she admits they’ve broken up a few times and the relationship has been mostly strained. Nice! You invite her to hang out in a few days.

Step Four: Take her out

The time comes to meet up, but she gives you a last-minute excuse about needing to hang out with her dad. You reschedule, she flakes, you reschedule, she flakes. Finally, with enough persistence and game, the two of you meet up.

Step Five: Close the deal

It’s going smoothly. You get her back to your pad and make out, but she resists getting totally undressed. After two hours of foreplay she surrenders and you seduce her. Lay report to follow.

We can all relate to having goals, even these very goals. You see a lovely girl and then a flood of ideas similar to the above pops into your head, planted there by well-meaning fellas like myself…

THE GAME PLAN: approach, gain attraction, take her number, run text game, work logistics, get her out, escalate, pull, close.

By themselves however, these goals may or may not be enough. When they aren’t – as is so often the case – you need something else you can fall back on, something broader and more powerful.

That something is your intention.

Goal vs Intention

So what’s the diff?

The intention was that thought which clicked on in your head when you saw the hottie: “I am going to seduce her.” It’s your internal call to action.

That plan may not be possible. It may in fact have absolutely no basis in reality. It may be so outside your comfort zone and beyond your skill set that the chances of it coming to fruition are as unlikely as a good Jennifer Aniston film.

But intentions don’t care about all that. “I am going to seduce her. Let’s make it happen. Go.”

You set your intention, and then you go about finding ways to bring it into reality. Often you will need to create a series of goals, such as the above. Many times, though, the universe will sort itself out automagically, seemingly with little effort on your part, where everything falls into place.

Goals are at the service of your intention. When certain goals fail (her phone goes off as you approach, she’s got a boyfriend, she keeps flaking), you can always abandon that particular goal and fall back onto your intention for further guidance. Your unwavering intention will then compel you to seek out, stumble upon or invent new goals to see you through.

Outcome Dependence

If you were to live simply by a series of goals without a well-defined intention, then you are operating with dependence on the outcome. And if that outcome fails to result, you’re fucked.

An intention is that inner voice moving you forward, regardless of whether the outcome is even possible. “I intend to seduce that girl, although I’m not positive it can be done.” Hence, outcome independent.

Plenty of people don’t set their intention before mapping out their plan. Are you one of them? They instead analyze the risks, rewards, probabilities and resources, and then once discouraged, abandon their outcome as highly unlikely. In effect, they have allowed the outcome to derail their efforts well before making up their minds to take action.

Many times, one’s happiness relies on the attainment of these goals, rather than on the intention-driven process itself. As such, any day not spent living one’s goals is an unpleasant day, whereas one can easily find fulfillment when living through intentions, even if one’s goals have not been met.

People focused on intentions are living in the present moment, whereas guys constantly aiming at goals are always living in the elusive future.

Mindfulness

You may hear this term tossed around by Buddhists. To be mindful means to be living in the now, present with your own inner states.

While it can be impossible to be aware of all stimuli bombarding you at every moment, you can realize how these factors are affecting you. Do they make you feel anxious, confused, scared, happy? Connecting with your reactions, observing them without judgment, is being mindful.

We speak of being mindful because without it (and clarity) we cannot be in tune with our core values or intentions.

Clarity

Prior to setting your intention, you must be internally clear about what it is you desire. Any intention you create may be undermined by other thoughts:

“I will seduce her…but…she’s out of my league, she’s reading a book, my breath smells, my last girlfriend cheated on me…”

That intention then becomes obscured. Being clear means uncluttering both your conscious and subconscious minds of all this jibber jabber. For more tips, check out my article on Clarity.

When you are clear within, it becomes easier to telegraph your intentions more effectively to others. Even when you speak succinctly, women can typically tell when you’re suffering from inner conflict and chaos. All channels of communication – physical, verbal and other non-verbal – must be congruent, or else any mismatch will be interpreted as lack of clarity.

Values

What drives your intentions is your set of core values, not to be confused with the superficial values that society and upbringing have convinced you are important. I had this chat with a student recently:

Me: So why are you attracted to that broad?
Him: Look at her! She’s smoking!
Me: And why is that important? Besides that it turns you on, what else?
Him: I don’t wanna bang ugs. Or if I did, I wouldn’t tell my boys about her.
Me: Hmm, so then it’s important your friends see you with hot girls?
Him: Totally.
Me: Ok, then sounds like what you value is being accepted by your friends.

Banging a hottie is fantastic and heroic, but often we are driven by deeper values, like in this case peer acceptance.

According to authors Patrick Williams and Diane Menendez, you can start by categorizing your values into three main headings: experiencing, creating and being. From each of these, determine which values most resonate within you, and then align your intentions with these values each and every day.

Experiencing: exploring, athletics, dancing, seeking pleasure, leading, nurturing.
Creating: clarifying, originality, innovating, playing, designing.
Being: integrity, peace, spirituality, loyalty, empathy.

When your intentions and values are in alignment, you find yourself at peace, energized and happy. When they aren’t, life seems turbulent, unfulfilling and lacking direction.

Accountability

A man of integrity who makes a promise will do everything within his power to keep that promise. He has resolve and discipline…whether that promise is to himself or others. He holds himself personally accountable.

You must begin with a reasonable plan. Say I set as my intention, get into better shape. If one goal included working out five times a week then I would fail. This is not gonna happen. I’m way too busy. Three times a week is reasonable, and so that would be a realistic goal.

However, once I’ve created a workable series of goals, I must then hold myself accountable to drag my ass to the gym as I promised myself. No excuses, no procrastination, no negotiations.

So to sum it up: be mindful and clear about what your deep values are, create intentions which are in alignment with these values, devise goals that will bring your intentions into being, and then hold yourself accountable to take action.

Now get out there, fuckers! xoxo