Stop Fucking Around and Work on Your Lifestyle

Many PUAs get so submersed in the culture of the game that they never take a step back to see the bigger picture. Essentially, you are out there marketing a person.

Aside from needing great marketing skills, you must have a product worth pitching. How attractive is that person to women? Is he worth dating, pursuing, and taking home to meet the parents? Or is he a dude she’s embarrassed to introduce to her friends, a boy she can have some fun with and that’s all, a Mr. Right Now and nothing more?

If being a girl’s flavor of the week is your goal, then no need to read on. But if you’re out there trying to bring quality women into your life – and keep them there – then let’s take a look at how you can build a substantial lifestyle to meet this goal.

Passion
It is very clear to all women when they go on a date with me that I LOVE cinema. They also find out I’m a huge music fan, I’m crazy about good food, I help guys interact with women, and I consider my dog almost like a son. These are things I’m passionate about. There are many smaller interests and hobbies floating around, but when I speak about any of my true passions, it’s from a deeper emotional level.

A man who loves women and only women is a sad, sad little person. Girls may feel flattered and validated at first. However, as they scratch the surface to see what else is inside, and come up with nothing, they quickly lose attraction.

I’ve seen guys get up and dance so insanely bad that the room comes to a stand-still to watch. But that guy is completely submersed in the joy of dancing, and he becomes a star. So don’t worry about whether the object of your passion is cool or not; as long as you have things that turn you on, aside from chicks, you will appear cool.

If you don’t have anything, then go out and try new activities. Fencing, sky diving, feeding the homeless. Get your hands dirty and figure out what things move you spiritually. There are tons of meetup.com groups full of people willing to show you the ropes. Any moment in your life you meet a new woman, you should have multiple projects, activities and events going on.

Variety
Sports, video games and cars are guy things. If you like that stuff, fine. But you’re gonna need something more. Be able to speak in depth about a range of topics. Books, films, food, wine, politics, travel. You don’t necessarily need to hold opinions on these things, simply a basic awareness and appreciation. And then as you meet new people, gain insights that will embellish upon this awareness.

Assertiveness
Being assertive is a win in life, but especially when it comes to dating. You the man are expected to do everything, from approaching to proposing. It all falls on your shoulders. You are ultimately accountable for every aspect of the relationship. Sorry, bro, but that’s life.

To make shit happen, you must be assertive. If you see something needs to be said or done, you take the reigns and get it handled.

But lots of guys are not assertive enough. Typically, they are passive, and less often, aggressive. I will cover assertiveness in another article, but for now I direct you to the excellent book, Your Perfect Right, which has been the Bible on assertiveness for many decades.

Develop a lifestyle that cultivates assertiveness. In fact, if you tend to be passive, then injecting some aggressiveness can help. Examples are any contact sport or boxing. At very least, go work out at the gym (though this probably won’t be sufficient).

It may help to find work that requires assertiveness. One summer I walked around a mall and performed market research; cold approaching people and trying to get their opinion on shit for half an hour requires persistence.

Being Solid
Women typically expect the men in their lives to be solid: centered, balanced, grounded, present. This doesn’t mean boring and predictable. But it does mean that when she is being a girl, she can trust you will be there for her as a man.

Yoga is an excellent way to get out of your head and into your body, teaching people to find their center. You spend much of the time on your back (being grounded), must stand on one leg (being balanced), clear your head of thoughts (being present) and breathe through any discomfort you feel (being in your body). If you’re doing it right, you can’t help but shift your energy into your body, and specifically your center of being. Bikram yoga is an offshoot, putting you into a very hot and humid room for an hour and a half. If that’s not your style, then stick to old fashioned yoga, getting lessons at first and then performing it at home several times a week for an hour.

Martial arts can also help you to generate power from your core, to let energy move through you without blocking it, and to be present with your opponent.

Being in the Moment
Many people are not living in the now. They dwell on the past and future, and when things pop up they don’t react in time or from a place of authenticity. Having a lifestyle that keeps you on your feet will carry over into your interactions.

Improv is a classic example of an activity where you have to be in the moment. The funniest lines are usually ones that come out without premeditation. Your partner then feeds off of that, and a routine is born from thin air. Stopping to process and think kills this creative process.

As I mentioned above, boxing and martial arts can also help you be in the moment.

Girl Friends
Having chicks in your life is critical. You can bang em or not, but you should be surrounded by a lot of women. Friends who are girls will teach you about how they think, act and feel, and you will develop a better and healthier appreciation for women (as opposed to “targets” and “HBs”). A lot of the smoke girls blow as a diversion around men goes away, and you can peek into their minds, unfiltered; this can include why they bang or date certain guys (what works and what doesn’t), why they behave how they do in clubs, and what makes them laugh.

You don’t need to have hot girls around you, just a lot of em. This will naturally seem attractive to other (hotter) women. Besides the concept of preselection, having chicks in your life is a normal thing, and not having them can appear odd. So always be looking out for girls you can add to your social circle, and spend a lot of time with them.

Personal Ecosystem and Energy Drainers
People have clutter in their lives, and this crap can use up a bunch of their energy. We call these things energy drainers. This may include a messy home or car, friends who bring you down, money you owe, a bad relationship with your parents, or excess weight.

When I spar, I sometimes use muscles I don’t need. I overwork, and therefore get tired faster. A key to lasting longer is to relax the parts of your body that you don’t have to call upon. The same holds for any activity in your life; if you expend too much energy unwisely, you have less left over for constructive stuff.

Run an inventory of all the items that might be draining your energy and polluting your personal ecosystem. Clean shit up. If you can’t tackle a chore all at once, small chunk it down and do a bit at a time. Get help from others.

If you can resolve dysfunctional or draining relationships through assertiveness and open communication, then do so. If you can’t minimize the impact of these people, then try to eliminate them from your life.

Forms of Expression
You can learn to express yourself in many different ways. Learning to be open with your opinions and beliefs will carry over into your interactions. If you want to express yourself verbally, you can take up Toastmasters, improv or acting. If you want to move people emotionally, you can work through painting, sculpting, even food. If you express yourself physically, there’s dance and music.

At the other extreme is being closed off and stifled, incapable of expressing yourself in any aspect of your life. Or you may only express yourself through one channel like singing, but can’t open up verbally. Seek a healthy balance, where girls realize that among the many forms of expression, you take advantage of several methods, including verbal and sexual.

Stress Management
A lot of times our interactions fail because we’re thinking about other negative parts of our lives. Sometimes, we aren’t consciously paying attention to these things, but they are weighing our psyche down.

Learn to compartmentalize your life. Be present. That is, when you’re talking to a girl, you should only be focused on that interaction. Money and work have zero relevance at that very moment, so force those thoughts away until it’s relevant to address them.

When these stressors seep into your interactions subconsciously, you need to find a way to get them handled. Do research, ask others for advice, devise a course of action, whatever needs to be done to move in the right direction. Even without resolving the stress, seeing the light at the end of the tunnel can help a great deal.

You can relieve some of your stress through art or physical activity. Freud talked about sublimating your sexual energy in the form of creativity, basically transferring that energy into something more socially acceptable. As I described above, yoga is another way to get stress under control.