Paradigms

A paradigm is defined as a set of assumptions, concepts, values, and practices that constitutes a way of viewing reality. I was talking to an Indian chick last week, and she thought it was absolutely unacceptable that some strange guy in a bar was talking to her. In her paradigm, talking to strangers in bars is out of the question. Pure explained to me that like other Asians, there is a cultural reason behind this paradigm.

In the community, we talk about limiting beliefs. Let’s say I believe that tall guys get more and better-looking tail than short guys. This, some would say, is a limiting belief, because it is an internal dialogue that might stop me from going after hot girls. On the contrary, when I put on shoe lifts and my success goes up, that belief becomes an enabling one. So because this same belief can be interpreted as limiting or enabling, let’s side-step this judgment call. In either case, we can agree I have a paradigm that includes a belief about height.

Some girls you game will have deeply entrenched paradigms. A woman who is happily married may find it unacceptable to date other men. This is her firmly held paradigm. Then it’s up to you the player to decide if you want to try to work within and against her paradigm, or move on.

Of course, that’s an extreme case. Other paradigms include the belief that the man should pay for everything, or that the man should always lead in the interaction, or that you shouldn’t have sex on the first date, or that you shouldn’t date outside your race.

You may choose to accept a woman’s paradigm, or you may try to challenge it. I believe that a man should always lead, and I’m ok with women who maintain a similar paradigm. I am not, however, okay with the paradigm that sex on the first date is wrong; whenever a girl demonstrates this paradigm, I will always try to challenge it.

This brings us to paradigm shifts. Before Einstein introduced his concepts, there was a belief in physics that we had learned all we would ever learn. With Einstein came a huge shift in thinking. The opposite is paradigm paralysis, where you are unable to make a shift in your beliefs and so you get stuck in the same thought process. Which leads us back to limiting beliefs; a lot of new guys in the community suffer from paradigm paralysis. “I’m not good-looking enough,” “I’m too old,” “I don’t have enough money.”

And yes, we sometimes forget that girls also have limiting beliefs and suffer from paradigm paralysis. Probably the most notable case is ASD, her set of beliefs that if she acts too aggressively, society will deem her a slut. And so she doesn’t pursue what she wants sexually out of fear of being stigmatized. If you’ve gamed cougars you may find that these women often have undergone a shift, and no longer suffer from paralysis. We’ll get back to cougars in a sec.

Some girls may subscribe to a given paradigm, but underneath that is a latent paradigm. When you cause a shift in her beliefs, you cause that latent paradigm to rise to the surface. Many times that initial set of beliefs is what’s called the dominant paradigm, which is a set of beliefs commonly held by a particular group. An example may be when a group of girls rolls into a club, they have an unspoken contract that they’ll all leave together. The dominant paradigm in that group is that going home with a strange guy is unacceptable.

Alright, so what does all this mean? When you meet a girl who holds a paradigm that is not in alignment with your own, you will make the determination as to whether you want to induce a shift or bring to the surface a latent paradigm.

In many cases, trying to induce a shift is simply not worth it. The girl has such paralysis that a shift will be nearly impossible, or you may have to compromise your integrity in order to get there.

In other cases, that paradigm is very superficial, and the latent views are simmering just below the surface. In these cases, with the right game (and your own positive assumptions), you can induce a shift. An example includes shit tests, such as the classic, “You can come in, but we’re not having sex tonight.” To the trained ear, the latent paradigms can be recognized and elicited.

So let’s go back to the cougar. What has caused her shift? She now goes out, meets a guy she wants to bang, and aggressively pursues him. She may open him, do much of the escalation, drop plenty of explicit suggestions, and contact him the next day.

In my opinion, the cause of the shift has to do with relative value. Most women begin to lose value after around age 30. Her appearances start to diminish and she notices she gets hit on less. On top of this, her sex drive starts to peak during her mid-30s. So the only way she can satiate her desires is to step up her game. She must undergo a paradigm shift to get what she wants out of the sexual market.

Value can be measured in many ways: money, status, looks, preselection, humor. As you make yourself more valuable to women, you will become better able to induce paradigm shifts. What constitutes a valuable man is something we can hotly debate, but in my opinion, it mostly involves a combination of his physical attractiveness and his ability to work with her emotional states. There are other esoteric factors like pheromones and game.

In the end, all you can do is make yourself as valuable as possible. We can run through the list: social intelligence, calibration, your subcoms, height, build, escalation, charisma, so on. There is some potential for creating a value gradient by trying to lower the girl’s (e.g. negs), but this is less reliable. Hot women who get hit on a ton typically aren’t too phased by your negs; this may be good gravy, but the real meat is your own intrinsic value as a man. Plus, if you become too concerned about relative value, you find yourself in a reactive mindset. You are constantly analyzing her value and then trying to calculate your own value relative to hers.

Aside from becoming a valuable man, this has much to do with your ability to telegraph your value effectively to women. Handing a girl your resume will not suffice. She needs to feel that you are of high value. Which is why we keep getting back to the importance of making an emotional connection with women. That connection will serve as the conduit through which you will use your value to leverage her paradigm shift.