Romance, Part Three

I’m gonna wrap up this series of posts now, but I’m sure as my research continues, more will be uncovered. This should get you on track for the time being.

Pampering
Obviously, most people like it when you do shit for them. I like my feet rubbed after a long day. But me asking to be pampered isn’t a romantic gesture on my part. Me offering to pamper a woman is.

It needs to be clear that you enjoy taking care of her, that attending to her desires means a lot to you. Going along with it grudgingly is unromantic.

Dedicate yourself to things that make her feel good, and personalize this. Offer foot rubs, make dinner, all that stuff. Whatever it is she appreciates. Don’t do it with any expected reciprocation in mind. Do it simply because you like making her feel good. And as usual, keep in mind the element of surprise, which will amplify the romance of these moments.

Compromise and sacrifice
Girls appreciate when you sacrifice your time and energy for them. Don’t do it all the time, but when the mood strikes you and when it doesn’t impinge on your mission or beliefs. Seeing some awful chick flick that she’s dying to watch - that is a romantic gesture.

Be there for her, do nice things for her, but don’t overdo it. Don’t be a guy who will drop everything at a moment’s notice, or inconvenience himself tremendously, for her every whim. Once in a while this can be romantic, but if done too often you’ll look weak.

Have a life and a mission. If what she desires compromises your mission, sometimes you must say no. Do this from a place of love. That’s where displaying your power as a man will come in. Being powerful means holding your ground, sticking to what you believe in, while still projecting love for her. Be cautious not to turn down her request from a place of anger.

On the flip side, when you do make sacrifice, say yes to her without resentment. Surrender yourself to the sacrifice once you decide to make it, and don’t hold any dissatisfaction towards her. That will kill the romance of your sacrifice.

Chivalry
A subset of sacrifice is chivalry, being of service to women. Chivalry may sound old-fashioned or antiquated, but girls find it super attractive.

What does it mean to be chivalrous? Strictly speaking, the word comes from chevalier, French for one who rides a horse. This implies a knight, who is thought of as chivalrous.

Chivalry is a component of courtly love, which includes being appreciative of women, providing rescue and defense. In fact, knights were attentive even when there was nobody around to recognize it, since an end goal of these behaviors was spiritual salvation.

The qualities idealized by knighthood include bravery, courtesy, honor and gallantry toward women. According to a modern chivalry movement, Chivalry-Now, chivalry encompasses many higher ideals: honesty, loyalty, courtesy, justice and commitment. As stated on their website:

The virtues of chivalry offer more than pleasantries and politeness. They give purpose and meaning to male strength, and therefore support the overall workings of society.

Some examples of being at a woman’s service:
Getting up on the bus and offering your seat to her
Holding a door open for her
Pulling her seat out at the dinner table
Rescuing her, such as when you show up at her work and kidnap her for the day

The Awwww factor
Things that make a girl go, “awwww.” Leaving rose petals on her pillow, teddy bears, fluffy puppy dogs. Many of the things that make men vomit.

Items that provoke awwww are not practical. Microwaves and blenders are unromantic. Men gravitate towards things that fit a function, and so may have a hard time understanding the value of anything impractical.

Many times simple gestures provoke an awwww response, particularly when it involves sacrifice; don’t forget, with romance less is often more.

One night chicky came over and I gave to her a dozen roses. Now normally, this clichéd gift is predictable and not all that romantic, and so I don’t recommend it. The thing is, prior to this moment, we had discussed me being unromantic. I told her I didn’t know how to be romantic, and that I was gonna get her a dozen roses as an attempt. So when I stood there with the roses, genuinely trying my best to be romantic without having much of a clue how to be, that sweet gesture provoked an awwww.

Affection without expectation
Of course, affection at the right moments is romantic. What makes this even more meaningful is to be affectionate with no expectation of the reward of sex. You may find it can be more romantic in some cases to say no to sex even though it’s available. This would demonstrate that you are setting aside your own sexual gratification so as to create a romantic moment for her.

When a woman feels you’re being affectionate for the sake of how that makes her feel, she appreciates it. When it becomes clear you’re being affectionate just to get her in the mood for sex, that is unromantic.

Kissing is a key ingredient to affection. There are few things women despise more than a lousy, unromantic kisser. She should feel like you are kissing not just for yourself, but for her as well. This means being present with her and reading her feelings, building from slow and light kissing to deep, passionate kissing. In addition to kissing, caress her face and hair, make eye contact at times, take breaks such as to comment on how hot she looks. Reserve the tongue until she’s ready.

But again, realize that often women are perfectly ok making out without having sex, and from a romantic stand-point, you get more points reading her mood correctly and going for sex only when and if she’s ready. Going through the moves of foreplay just to get your dick wet might work, but it rates low on the romance scale.

Under this heading I would put push-pull, withholding and anticipation. The thing women expect of a man is he will usually make a linear attack to get into her panties. When he gives her a little affection and then withholds it, making her wait in anticipation for more, the tension he creates can be romantic.

No pride
As Billy Joel once wrote in “Shameless”:

Well I'm shameless when it comes to loving you
I'd do anything you want me to
I'd do anything at all

And I'm standing here for all the world to see
There ain't that much left of me
That has very far to fall

You know I'm not a man who has ever been
Insecure about the world I've been living in
I don't break easy, I have my pride
But if you need to be satisfied

I'm shameless, baby I don't have a prayer
Anytime I see you standing there
I go down upon my knees

When love moves you to set aside your pride, women find this romantic. I’m thinking again about Cusack holding his stereo over his head in Say Anything… As retarded as he appeared, he didn’t care; he was a man on a mission. There are countless other film examples. Here again, like obsession, being shameless can easily backfire.

Just because
Do things for her “just because.” You appreciate her; that’s the reason why you’re doing it. Let her know you’re glad she’s present in your life, and that is enough of a motivator for you.