Relationships and nasty shit

I've been reading an excellent book on sex currently called Sex God Method by Dan Rose. There's just not enough material on sex in the PU literature for some reason, and this one covers everything from when to change sexual positions to how to create mLTRs.

I posted something on paradigms a week ago. Before I got into the community, my paradigm was that most girls want exclusivity, and that what draws them into this revolves around what a great guy you are. You know the shit: he treats her like a gentleman, his family likes her, he takes her on fun vacations, he spends a ton of cash on her.

Since being in the community, I've shifted into a new paradigm. Girls mostly DON'T want exclusivity right off the bat. Maybe a few months in, but for the most part, nearly all girls have been very clear that they aren't looking for anything heavy or too involved. Many are in fact receptive to and encouraging of polygamy. The less you rely on a girl emotionally, the less obligation to you she feels, at least early on. That was the first thing to surprise me.

Second, it isn't your credit card or your magic tricks or your job which are usually gonna get a girl interested in a LTR with you, nor sustain it once you get it. It boils down to one main ingredient:

Being really good at fucking.

You can be the best boyfriend on every other level, but if you suck in bed, she’ll be miserable. Sometimes you can skate by in a dysfunctional relationship if she’s getting enough emotional nourishment from drama and whatnot. But in a healthy LTR, you want the sex to be really good for her. Sex will be the most reliable and potent currency you’ll possess to obtain and maintain LTRs.

Rose talks about 4 pillars: dominance, emotion, variety and immersion. To this I’d add that when I’m talking sexual to a girl or having sex, she gets that most of what I’m doing is trying to give her the best sex she’s had. So having a value-giving mindset is the foundation to all of this. Being in it solely for your ego or for self-gratification will typically result in shitty sex in the long run.

Let me break it down.

Dominance may not come naturally to some (it didn’t for me at first), but it’s essential. David Deida doesn’t say 100% of women want to be dominated, but the number is high enough that you should assume every girl you interact with wants to be with a dominant man. Evolution has selected this desire. How to be dominant is something you can try to fake until it’s internalized, and may include grabbing her and her possessions, giving her commands, and using sexually charged language.

Women are emotional beings. Understanding how a woman’s mind works is key to seducing her. If you want girls to have great sex, being a good technician in bed is far less important than arousing her emotions. But beyond that, if you want women to fall in love with you, you need to embrace and express your own emotions. If you stifle them, the sex will suffer.

Variety means switching things up. Be dominant one moment, tender another, change sexual positions, go down on her in the middle of sex, pull out unexpectedly, etc. Doing the same routine every night leads to a bad sex life.

Immersion involves being totally present with a woman. Shut out negative self-talk, stop planning out what to do next, don’t fantasize about other things, don’t think about things you need to do tomorrow. Women can sense when you are not completely there in bed with them, and they lose arousal. Conversely, when you’re totally immersed in the experience, she will be too, and the sex will be at its best.

So here’s the problem. If you suck in bed, you’ll try to make up for it in other ways. You’ll be the guy who buys her shit, or always supplicates to her, or goes out of his way for even a drop of affection. This behavior makes her question your abilities. If you make a girl work for sex, she will realize you’re worth the effort because you’ve got skills; the Latina MILF I see now drives sometimes 2 hours to see me - once or twice a week - because I take care of her needs.

Getting to that point is partly inner game and partly your abilities. Inner game issues include you think yourself unworthy of fucking hot girls. Or maybe you’re worried about dick size, or your physique, or whatever. Even without saying anything, your feelings of inferiority and intimidation will turn her off. And before you know it, you’re chasing her for sex and not vice versa.

If it’s your abilities that are deficient, then work on this aspect. I personally had crappy knowledge of female anatomy and orgasm. Most guys muddle their way through relationships without getting honest feedback from their women, and then fill in the gaps by watching porn.

Even being in my late 30s and having what I thought was a solid education on the subject, I realized I knew very little. Therefore, I sought out reliable sources on how to please women, and I made myself into a sex machine. By acquiring an understanding, I improved my competence at sex, and hence my confidence went through the roof. So go out and read up on anything and everything you can. Basic techniques, how to talk dirty, different kinds of female orgasms, fetishes, all that. Demonstrate to women (without bragging, of course), that you not only know your shit and can prove it, but that you’re open-minded and non-judgmental.

It’s important to set the seductive frame early when you meet a girl: you’re there to fuck her, not to make nice or to entertain her. Along these lines, tailor your day 2 to give her this information as quickly and powerfully as you can. Whenever I have a dinner date or take a chick to a movie as a day 2, she almost always loses interest and there’s never a day 3. Instead, if I take her to a bar and try to fuck her that night, even if unsuccessful, there will always be interest in another date. Don’t push her if she’s not ready, but let her feel that you are there for sex, and you’re ready and willing to deliver when the time is right.